Monday, April 28, 2014

Two things I'm looking forward to

So, there are two things I am looking forward to. One is the Petals on The Wind premier. I watched the first movie of the series Flowers in the Attic. I wasn't sure how I would like it. I never read the books although I do remember getting a copy which I doubt I still have. I also remember watching the older version of the movie which I liked. But, that was many years ago so I can't really compare the two. The acting was brilliant especially from Ellen Burstyn and Heather Graham. I am excited to see how the series unfolds. I might just have to read these books. Hopefully I will get around to that.

The Second thing I'm looking forward to is the new season of Witches of East End. I never read those books either. But, I will also have to add those to my list. I haven't had much time for reading lately. I watched the first season and absolutely loved it. I can't wait to see more of Killian and Dash. Although I do have to admit Killian is my favorite.

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Sunday, April 27, 2014

Pet Peeves for Sunday Social

What is my biggest driving pet peeve? I don't Drive because I've always had a fear of it. But, I hate when the person who is driving the car is texting or looking at there phone. Or when I see another person right next to us texting. Also, when people decide to cut your off randomly.

What is my biggest blogging pet peeve? I just got back into blogging after a three year hiatus. It is really hard to build a following and then rebuild a following.

What is my biggest shopping pet peeve? When you want to buy something and they don't have it in your size or the price is way too high.

What is my biggest general pet peeve? Well, the other day I saw this guy giving this 14 year old a cigarette. It really bothered me especially after my mom was diagnosed with COPD this past year. Also, when I say something and people right me off.

What is my most irrational fear?Probably choking. Being kidnapped.I have a lot of irrational fears.

So, Now that I've shared my pet peeves. What are yours? Happy Sunday!  photo 31e53412-bd95-4b60-a2cf-cd40dc297a33_zps9586a904.jpg

Monday, April 21, 2014

The First Time I fell in love

The first time I fell in love I was 15 years old. I had met this boy at school. We were both taking classes at this special school. I was always horrible at math. So, I decided to go to this school. I met a boy I will call him D. I was 15 and he was 18. We were not dating we were just friends. I was immediately intrigued by him. He had these dark brown eyes. He was wearing this spiked hat. He was a rebel. He was a bad boy. He was basically a teenage girls dream. I couldn't believe that he actually liked me. He was punk Rock and Gothic. At that time he didn't have any tattoos but he did have piercings. The chemistry was flying across the room. It was obvious there was something there. Everyone knew it too. Finally I got the courage to give him my phone number. I was shocked when he actually called me that day. After that we still saw each other at school until he graduated. Then we went on a few dates but remained friends for two years. Finally when I was 17 he asked me to be his girl. I was the happiest girl in the world. I hoped he felt the same about me but I honestly wasn't sure. When it turned out he did like me in the same way I was ecstatic. When we first got together I feel madly deeply in love with him. I had crushes before but nothing like this. I had a boyfriend before him briefly who I really liked but the attraction just wasn't there. It's hard to imagine a 17 year old being so deeply in love. Over time my love grew deeper and deeper for him. We where together for 9 years. We were even engaged for a time. He asked me to marry him on my front porch in the summertime. There was a breeze in the air and it smelled like a hot summer night. I love that smell. There were people walking around town because it was so nice out. Not to warm but not too cold. Perfect summer weather. We where eating pizza. He got down on one knee (no ring, But, that didn't matter) and asked me to marry him. My head was spinning I was shocked and excited all at the same time. I was 18 at the time. Needless to say when I told my mom she was not happy about the situation. Of course I did understand where she was coming from. We both didn't have very much money and no where to live. We were young and in love and not thinking about the future just living in the moment. I have to say I've grown up a lot since then and now realize we where being unrealistic but at the time I was upset. I felt like she was tearing down my dream of marrying the man I loved. Over time though we where no longer living in the moment as carefree teens and young adults. We had jobs and bills. We had responsibilities. We practically lived separate lives. He also had other issues which we where trying to work on. The older we got the more we grew apart. I realize now it was naive to think I would spend my life with the guy I started dating when I was 17. Although it does happen. We tried to get married again a few years later. This time other reason's came up that once again prevented it. Although I do believe and know in my heart that everything happens for a reason. When something ends and one door closes another one opens.

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Tuesday, April 15, 2014

Back on the Blogging Bandwagon

I started blogging on Xanga when I was around 18 years old. I met a lot of inspiring people in my blogging journey over the years. Some of the people I am still very fortunate to have contact with. I then moved on to blogger and created another personal blog. I started that blog in 2009. It amazes me how much I went through and when I look back on my life and see the girl I was then compared to the woman I am now. Writing for me is like breathing it is my air. About three years ago I stopped writing. Every time I sat down to write the thoughts in my head could not be turned into words. I was very lost at that point in my life. Writing which is usually my solace just became another thing to do. I also was trying to write a book at that time and once again the words where just not flowing. I needed a break badly. Not just from writing but from a lot of things I loved doing. In a way that time gave me perspective but it also made me realize when you have a passion and when something makes your heart sing you can't just abandon it. These last three years I've learned a lot about giving and receiving. You have to give to yourself as much as you give to other people. It is not selfish in fact it is the opposite of selfish. I was looking back at my old blog and I thought how far I've come. And yet even with all the bad that happened with the good times I still would not change a thing. Because ultimately everything I went through brought me to this place in my life. The road is not always easy and it never will be. That is unrealistic. Especially for a girl dealing with depression and anxiety. I will probably never live a "normal" life. But, these last few years I have slowly started getting back to the things I love. Some days I don't want to do anything and some days all I can do it just get through the day. This is okay since I am only human after all. As I flipped through my old blog posts I thought I am not where I need to be but I'm glad I am not where I used to be. I've learned that everything happens for a reason. I know some might not hold this view but over time when I look back on my life even the bad things that happened something good came from it. It brought me to this point. I am not going to say there are not days or moments where I feel this way. I also thought about with Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram where our lives can be shared so publicly with others through pictures and characters why would I need to blog. But, in reading my old blog I realized that there are some things that need more then pictures. There are somethings that need more then 140 characters. I remember reading others blogs and feeling sad, happy, and inspired. There is one blogger in particular who inspires me on a daily basis. Her life has not been easy but she keeps keepin' on and living the life she loves. I was inspired to create a new blog. Yes it can be a bit daunting starting over from scratch but sometimes you also need a fresh start. You need to reinvent yourself or maybe just reinvent yourself to who you really are beyond the things that have happened to you. I am excited for this next chapter in my life and there will be much more to come.
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