Monday, February 5, 2018

Saying Goodbye To My 20's

Today is my 31st birthday. I technically said goodbye to my 20's last year when I turned 30. But, last year it didn't feel real. This was my first year actually in my 30's. I learned a lot in my 20's. Some of it good and some of it not so good. I didn't have the typical 20-year-olds life. I never went to college. I didn't go out all the time. So I don't think my life changed much from my 20's to my 30's in that regard. In some ways, I feel like I missed out on an exciting time of my life. I grew up too fast. I've always grown up fast. I didn't have much of a childhood either but that's not what this blog is about.
Sometimes I wonder what my life would be like if I went to college and went out to parties and lived the typical life of a 20-year-old you see portrayed on tv and in movies. But, then again maybe that is not the typical 20 years olds life anyway.

I had a lot of shifts in my 20's. My grandma died, we lost our house to foreclosure, and then we lost our apartment and had to move out three years ago on my birthday.  I've been engaged twice. But, I'm still not married. I guess arriving at 30 and now 31 that is a tough pill for me to swallow. Especially when most of my grammar school and high school acquaintances are married and some even have kids. I always pictured the husband and white picket fence and children when I was in my 30's. With some amazing job that I loved. 

But, my 20's where not bad per se. Just different. I learned a lot about myself in my 20's so in that regard I can't say I have any regrets. 

I learned that I am strong. I am a lot tougher then I thought I was. Especially this past year. 
I learned about my divine feminine and about balance. Which I'm still working on. I'm currently sick and whenever I get sick I know I've lost my balance and it's my bodies way of telling me to rest and regroup. And get back on the self-care bandwagon which I admit I was neglecting this past month.I need to get my self-care routine and balance back on track for this month. 
I learned what real love was. Not the needy kind of love where you just don't want to be alone. But, the kind of love when you don't need a person but you want a person. You don't need someone to complete you but the kind of love where you make each other better. 

I don't believe in miracles. I rely on them. - Yogi Bhajan

In the moment when we no longer believe in ourselves is when the teaching of yoga begin-Sianna Sherman (Wanderlust talk) 

In my 20's I found my yoga practice. I started by reading Mariel Hemingway's books Healthy Living and Finding my balance about how yoga and spirituality saved her life. That's when I began to see yoga as more then just a physical practice but also as a spiritual practice. I also found Kundalini Yoga which I've been practicing for the past 5 years. Although the past two years I  have been more consistent in my practice. 

I remember hearing the story of Krishna. It is not always easy walking the path you are meant to be on. I really didn't even know what my path was until I turned 30. Most of my 20's I was just trying to get by and figure out who I was. My 30's are about embracing my authentic self and living my path and making my dreams come true one step at a time. I know they won't happen overnight and some days it does feel like a struggle to get there. But, I know that as long as I don't give up I can get to my dreams and goals. 

So, here I am officially saying goodbye to my 20's and embracing all that my 30's have in store for me. Taking the lessons and things I've learned in my 20's to implement in my 30's. Make more time for self-care, Create more balance, Love me radically, Don't ever give up on my dreams, it's okay to ride the wave of sadness but don't let it take over, and to embrace my divine feminine in all her glory.

The adventure begins...

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