Thursday, February 4, 2021

where have I been? What micro tears taught me!








My last post was 2019. I have not been writing on my blog since that time. To say I needed the break could be true. I was getting so caught up in likes on social media and who was reading my blog that I started to lose myself in the whole process of my blog and what it was about. Which, I originally created to be a space about myself and my journey. Don’t get me wrong I still love makeup and fashion and will probably post those types of things when the mood strikes. But, I need to get back to the heart of my blog. I got back on social media about a month ago and it has changed immensely from when I was posting everyday a few years ago. But, I still don’t feel the need to post everyday on social media. I’ve talked about social media detoxing before but this was more like a social media hibernation. 


So, what was I doing with my life while I was away? A lot of things changed for me. I had a bad breakup, met an amazing man, got engaged, and tripped and ended up with two micro tears in my ankle. I had to stop running and even walking was painful for many months. It was a complete shock to my system. But, it also showed me how out of balance I had been. I was working myself excessively and it was taking a toll on my mind, body, and soul. I knew my body would break in some way. Plus, with Covid everything seemed a bit more bleak. I thought maybe I would catch a cold and need to rest for a week or two. Not hurt myself so bad that it would take many months to recover. But, I certainly had to slow down. In this case I had no choice. An accident had forced me to slow down. But, it gave me time to reflect. 


It taught me to slow down and enjoy the little moments. The moments when my fiancĂ© and I joke around and laugh so hard. Holding his hand in the car. Cuddling with Lucky my cat. I now have one cat. My sweet Harley passed away a few weeks ago. I will always miss her but she was 20 years old and lived a long life. She died in my arms. But, at least I believe she passed the way she would have wanted to at home and in my arms. My other cat Ollie I ended up giving to my mom. He is being well taken care of and he decided he wanted to go be with grandma. After the accident I started staying with my fiancĂ©. I tried to bring Ollie here but it didn’t work out the way that I had hoped. I admit my heart broke a little but I know it is for the best.


It taught me how important self-care really is. I always knew how important self care was but I would always do it for a little while and then life would get inevitably so busy that I would put myself to the wayside. But, these past few months since I haven’t been working I’ve had a lot of time to work on my self-care. Mostly journaling and walking. I can’t wait till it is nice enough to go walk outside. Also, spending time doing mindfulness meditations my new favorite app is insight timer for meditation. If you do work or are a full time mom even carving out 5 minutes while the kids nap can really help to recharge. 


It taught me to follow my creative dreams. In Big Magic: Creative living beyond fear Elizabeth Gilbert talks about the Sh*T Sandwich in her book. Doing something you love so much that you can't get enough of it even if it is not getting you anywhere. I have been guilty of getting discouraged and feeling like I don’t measure up so I don’t do what I normally enjoy doing. It is a vicious cycle. Or maybe I just forget that I love it because I allow other things to get in the way. But, I am finally at the point in my life, with my writing, and my blog that I will take the Sh*T sandwich with all the good that comes along with my self-care practices, writing, and blogging. It's not always an easy path but I am determined to keep on it.






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