Sunday, May 11, 2014

Blessed to Have my Mom


                                                 I am so blessed to have my mom.

 Earlier this year she had a major health scare. She has a heart condition and was having problems breathing. She get's winded easily and thought it was just the same old thing. Except that instead of getting better she just kept getting worse. She loves to go for walks and could no longer walk very far without getting winded. This scared her and me. She thought she was having heart failure again. She kept putting off going to the doctor like we all do sometimes. But, these past few months especially with the cold weather her health kept deteriorating.

 Finally she couldn't take it anymore and I couldn't either. I told her she had to go the emergency room and get checked out. She listened to me and went. At first the doctors thought she had some kind of blockage or blood clot. So they had to run more tests.

Finally they diagnosed her with COPD. I was relieved that it was not her heart and that it is treatable. But, she had to quit smoking ASAP. Years of smoking had damaged her lungs and now they where too far damaged to be repaired. COPD can get better but her lungs will never fully function like they once did. She has not had a cigarette since she was diagnosed. She said once she made up her mind to quit it was actually pretty easy. Although she still wants a cigarette every once in a while.

When she was in the hospital I was a nervous wreck. she had to spend a few days there. At one point I was so scared I had a full fledged panic attack. I am no stranger to panic attacks an have been diagnosed with panic disorder. But, they usually happen when I'm in public with a lot of people or when I'm under a lot of stress.

With My mom being in the hospital and me thinking "what if I didn't have her around?" Sent me into panic mode. I cried so hard and I could barely breathe. I wanted to call her but I didn't want to bother her even though I knew she wouldn't mind. I thought about calling my best friend but she lives far away and I didn't want to bother her either.

So, I just let it ride. I let myself feel the emotions. It was hard but eventually I could breathe again. But, that has to be one of the scariest moments of my life. It made me reevaluate my life in a lot of ways. It also reminded me how precious time with your loved ones is and how easily it can be taken away.

 I've had a lot of loss these past few years between my grandma and my godfather who was like my dad. My mom and me might have our differences and we might not always agree but she has and always will be there for me no matter what.

 This Mother's day I am so blessed to have my mom in my life.

 Mom if you read this Happy Mother's Day!!!!

  photo 31e53412-bd95-4b60-a2cf-cd40dc297a33_zps9586a904.jpg


  1. Happy Mother's Day to your sweet mum! Love the baby pics :)

  2. this is so sweet!
    very nice blog by the way :)

    kisses from Russia,


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