Friday, December 8, 2017

Showing up VS Giving up

“Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.”
Winston S. Churchill

This morning as I was doing my daily writing practice I thought about the times when I've shown up for myself. The times when I've followed my dreams and worked towards a goal. The times when I've shown up to take care of myself. Versus the times when I gave up. I procrastinated or made an excuse.

Over the years I've procrastinated and made a lot of excuses. I haven't always been faithful to taking care of ME. I haven't been my own friend. I wondered why this was. Why did I say I was going to do my yoga practice and then I spent the night vegging out in front of the TV? Obviously there must be some pay off for it otherwise I wouldn't do it.

I came to the conclusion that change is so freakin' scary. Even good positive change can throw us for a loop sometimes. Forging into the unknown can be scary. At times I believe I did put too much pressure on myself and when you have a thousand mile to do list then yes it can be unrealistic to get everything done. But, if it's something that makes you feel happy and something you enjoy why back down on it? Why give It up for something less then fulfilling in the long run?

Obviously, for me TV can be a way to numb out. To escape my problems. Soul work and self care can sometimes feel like work. At times you do have to dig deep and get to the root. Yoga means To unite to join. To unite or join body, mind, and spirit. I love my yoga practice and all my self care practices but on a cold morning it can be easier to stay in bed then to get up and write. But Yogi Bhajan said "If we get up in the morning, we do Sadhana. We don't do Sadhana to please anybody, we do Sadhana to please ourselves. We work on ourselves in the morning. We want to know ourselves, we prepare ourselves and that is the way to go."

I am not perfect with doing my sadhana every morning. But, I'm working on it. And I'm working on completing a 40 day practice.  I notice how much more positive I am and happier and how my life works so much better when I have a discipline and a practice and stick with it. I don't do my practices for others so it's a choice. I can choose to invest my time in it or not. But, when I do invest my time in something that  enjoy that makes me happy it creates a radical shift in my day and life. I love to wake up early and prepare myself for the day ahead. Yes I also love sleeping in and sometimes it is necessary if I'm sick or not feeling well but otherwise waking up with the sun is becoming my favorite routine. Plus, rewarding myself with coffee helps too. Doing my daily spiritual practices is a reward to myself.

“Don't be afraid of your fears. They're not there to scare you. They're there to let you know that something is worth it.”
C. JoyBell C.

I wondered why change can be so scary. Even positive change. Why implanting positive routines can be so hard. With New years coming up I was thinking about resolutions. Why so many people have the best intentions on the first and then by the 4th or 5th the resolutions are dropped and put in a dream list or something to do next year. I have been so guilty of this. I have a dream that I've been procrastinating on for 4 years. It's been in my heart for 4 years and I've envisioned it but I never really did anything about it. I have another dream that's been in my heart for 5 or 6 years. But, until recently I was too scared to act on it. Even putting in small actions frightened me and I always came up with some reason why it couldn't be done right now. I realized I am afraid of change like so many others. Obviously it also comes down to limiting beliefs which I am working on. But, it's not laziness it's fear. So now this year I am making a plan and taking action steps to reach those goals. I will face my fears this year. That's my resolution. To live authentically,  face my fears, and show up for myself so I can live the life of my dreams. This year my resolution is to SHOW UP.

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